On Display: A Feminist’s Tale of Getting Healthy and Losing Weight

Note:  I rarely delve into deep social controversy on this blog, because that’s not the point of this space.  With that said, I’ve been reflecting on the changes in my life the last couple of years and I wanted to share some of this experience.  In doing so, controversial social issues were bound to come up!  If this isn’t your thing, that’s okay – see you with my next post in a few days.

I am a feminist.  As journalist Caitlin Moran would say, I’m a strident feminist.  I realize that word may elicit a strong reaction, possibly favorable, possibly not, but it is a fact about me and it’s relevant to the story I’d like to share today.

You see, when you’re a feminist, you are sometimes on display as a representation of ‘your kind.’  Do you look the part?  Are you too feminine?  Not feminine enough?  Do you wear too much make-up (as those glossy patriarchal magazines encourage you to)?  But, are you still approachable (so as to not scare away men)?

And, as a feminist, you are no more on display then when you are losing weight.

photo credit: jodigreen via photopin cc

Feminists (myself included) generally share the belief that women are valuable for who they are, not what they look like.  So – thin or fat, tall or short, dark or light, brunette or blond, none of it matters when it comes to a person’s value.  This goes along with the basic premise that there are large (patriarchal) systems at work to debunk this fundamental belief.  The beauty industry, not to mention all of its friends (tabloid magazines, clothing manufactures, and the like) diligently make efforts to set a standard of appearance that is narrow, constrictive, and nearly impossible for most women to achieve.  One of the biggest areas of importance here is weight.  Let me set the record straight on how I feel about this: fat is okay.  Some people are naturally thin, some people are not.  Big deal.   Fat advocates have been working on building acceptance regarding this issue for years now and I fully support them as a feminist, as a woman, and as a human who, frankly, doesn’t care much about the size of a person when I’m determining who they are and what I think of them.

What I do care about is health and ensuring that all people have access to being healthy and happy.  Now, fat does not equal unhealthy.  Just like thin does not equal healthy.  I think most people now know this is true.  Plenty of research has shown that body size and health do not necessarily exist in a causal relationship.  And still, it is also true that being overweight can be a sign that something is wrong.  It can be a symptom of both physical health deteriorating and mental or emotional health not being in top shape.

For me it was both.

A couple of years ago when I started changing my own life, I wasn’t FAT as some might define it.  I most certainly wasn’t obese.  But, in the span of a few years, I had gained about 30 pounds.  That’s not a small amount, especially for a person of my stature.  I had always been fairly thin, not incredibly so, but thin enough.  I’m a short, curvy girl and I generally bounced around from a size 4 to a size 8.  But, somewhere along the line, I had crept upward and onward to numbers that were so far from my comfort level that I chose to believe for a while it wasn’t happening.  My excess pounds had distributed pretty proportionately throughout my body, so I had that going for me from a physical standpoint.  There wasn’t one area screaming “Hey, look at all the weight I’ve gained!!” but it was there.  Like a full-length puffy coat that I couldn’t take off.

So back to that fundamental belief of feminism – I didn’t think that my heavier self was any less smart or less worthy or less capable, but I did think I was less healthy.  I was tired and sick more often.  I felt generally physically crummy most of the time.  I also knew that I was increasing my risk of a variety of diseases and ailments if I continued on this track. So I made a clear and dedicated decision to lose weight and regain my health.

This is a hard enough thing on its own to do.  As a feminist, working professionally amongst other feminists it’s ridiculously complicated.  (Note: I work in the field of anti-domestic violence work.  If you ever find yourself looking for a self-identified feminist – go to one of these agencies.  You’ll find someone.) I didn’t tell people I was trying to drop pounds (except for the two people I live with).  I just started doing it.  I started eating healthy meals and being more active – healthy, safe ways to accomplish my goal.  So here’s where things got tricky.

My first half-marathon – a huge step in my journey.

First, I had to constantly battle with myself over why I was doing it.  I fully stand by the fact that my primary motivation was about health.  But, did part of me want to just be smaller.  Sure.  Did I want to fit into different clothes?  Absolutely.  Did I compare myself (albeit not deliberately) to other women?  You bet I did.  Because even as a strident feminist, I’m not immune to the messaging that I get bombarded with about how I should look to be acceptable in our world.  As much as I wish I had a shield around me that repelled patriarchal, traditional gender-normalizing, consumerist media, I don’t.  So I was constantly evaluating this.  What is healthy for ME?  WHY did I decide to do this?  Was it because I wanted to or because I bought into some messaging tactic?  This constant battle was pretty exhausting.

Then you add the looks, questions, and comments from other women into the mix.  I don’t harbor anger at them, because they are dealing with the same battles that I am in regards to these issues, but it doesn’t make it any easier.  Although I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing, over time it became obvious I was dropping weight.  And people started asking me about it.

I got concerned questions:  “Are you okay?  Is your health okay?”  I got prying questions: “What are you doing?  What’s your secret?  Can you teach me your tricks?”  I got questions that insinuated things: “Why are you doing this?  I don’t know how you do it – Why can’t it be so easy for me?  You are SO lucky.”  And so much more.

Being grilled about my appearance and having my tactics and motivations questioned was difficult.  Some days I felt great (I’ve set healthy goals and I’m meeting them!).  Other days I felt like I was betraying my people (If I’m a REAL feminist, I’ll accept my weight as is and not change it.).  People would ask for advice that I was reluctant to give and then when I relented, I often found myself on the receiving end of some sort of resentment.  I was even told (unsolicited) by one colleague that I was going to “be so happy” when I lost weight and that I would “find a new man.”  What did that mean?  I had been in a loving and committed relationship for several years and that wasn’t going to change.  He had been with me at various ups and downs along the scale, so why would I want or need a new man??  And, why does being thin equal a happier me?  How did she know I wasn’t happy now?!

I was on display constantly, whether I talked about it or not.  And, that’s the thing.  People could see a difference physically, but few people actually made an attempt to inquire, genuinely and with acceptance, about the real difference that was going on in my mind and my being.  As a feminist, as a woman, and as human it was very disheartening.

I share this experience because I want other women to be able to make healthy changes for themselves – on their terms, in their own ways, because of what is best for them, without the demoralizing influence of societal beauty standards, the judgmental inquisition of other people, or the pressure to always be the vision of what someone else thinks they should be, as a feminist, as a woman, or as a human.

Why Wednesdays? – Why the Workout ‘Buddy System’ Isn’t For Everyone (And That’s Ok!)

A Note About This Feature:  Why Wednesdays is a Move Eat Create weekly feature determined to turn the mid-week doldrums upside down and celebrate things I love to do and blog about.  I have completed series on the topics of running, creativity, and food.  Now, I’m being a bit random and discussing whatever strikes me at the time!

 

I see a lot and I mean A LOT of articles and blog posts written about workout buddies.  A general theme present in these writings is the idea that working out with someone will keep you motivated, accountable, and provide an overall more positive fitness (and weight loss) experience.  Some of these articles cite studies that seem to support their claims.  Others rely on personal experience.  Through and through, though, there seems to be a prevalent belief that having a workout buddy is the optimal way to go.  Rarely do you see an article that argues the opposite.  I’ve looked.  I haven’t seen anything that says “Do it alone!  You’ll get better results!  You’ll be happier and more motivated!  Go at it solo!”

So I’m writing one.

Here’s the deal.  I have no doubt that training partners work wonders for some people.  I’m sure they really do provide a sense of accountability, fun, and motivation for some people.  But, it’s not for everyone.  It’s not for me.

When I set out to drop some excess weight, develop my fitness level, and eventually become a runner, I knew that the only way I was going to be successful was to do it alone.  In the past, when I had made similar attempts, I told people about them.  I followed the advice given in articles that in order to be accountable, I needed to announce my intentions to others.  The idea is that others could encourage me and help me follow through.  But, what really happened, was that I became so conscious of the expectations that others then had of me that I failed completely.  My goals turned into their goals in my head.  Even if they weren’t applying pressure to me, I applied it for them.  If I ate a big piece of cake, I thought, “Oh god, [insert name here] would be so disappointed in me right now.”  If I skipped a workout, I would feel embarrassed and like I had let someone down.  Eventually, I would crack from the pressure and just give it all up, because the idea of continuing to break the commitments that I made to others, to publicly fail at my goals was too much for me.  Essentially, what should have been a personal journey and process turned into anything but personal.

I truly believe that a key factor in making sustainable, permanent changes in my life over the last two years has been to keep quiet about it.  Two years ago (this month marks two years since I began), I set out on some simple goals.  First, I would start to eat healthier.  I would learn more about nutrition and would incorporate changes into my daily diet.  I would cook more.  I would eat less junk.  Then, after a bit, I would start to be more active.  Some time dedicated to walking and short fitness videos has turned into me now training for my first marathon, strength training a few hours a week, and being in the best shape of my life.  And, I did it quietly.

I told only two people about what I was going to do.  I told my partner and our roommate.  They had to know, because quite frankly, there wasn’t any way around it.  I live with them, so they would see what I was doing.  But, other than them, I didn’t tell a soul.  I just started doing.  What this meant was that my goals were solely my own.  No one else was telling me what I should do, shouldn’t do, or what they did that worked/didn’t work.  My successes were solely were my own – allowing me to truly feel accomplished and own the progress I was making.  And, my failures were my own, too.  When I ‘messed up’, it was my choice and my mess to clean up.  I didn’t let anyone else down, other than myself.  That was liberating.

Of course, over time other people saw changes and asked about them.  And, I would answer.  I didn’t lie or cover things up, but I answered questions simply and didn’t engage in extended dialogue about it all.  Now, two years later, I can talk about it all more openly because my entire way of living has truly changed and the things I’m doing now are part of my daily life, as ingrained in my routine as sleep and going to work each day.  But, in the beginning, being able to keep it to myself was crucial in my success.

Maybe it’s because I’m an introvert by nature.  Maybe it’s because I’m always thinking about how to accommodate the needs of others over my own.  Maybe it’s because I’m sensitive to critiques after years of enduring them.  I don’t know exactly why it was so crucial for me to make lifestyle changes privately, but it was, and I’ve got to figure that if it was for me, it may be for others, too.  So, while the buddy system certainly has its benefits for many people, it’s not the answer for everyone.  I suppose that my underlying point here is that what works for one, doesn’t work for all, and to have the courage to do things your way (even if it’s not the popular way) can make all the difference in the world.

____________________________________________________________________________

Some Previous Why Wednesday Posts:

Why Libraries Are Worth Saving

Why I Run – Instant Gratification and Immediate Success

Why I Run – For My Health, Silly!

Why I Eat . . . Series Recap

Why Creativity Counts – It Connects Us

Why Creativity Counts – Self-Sufficieny

Health Truths That I Once Thought Were Shams (Until I Actually Educated Myself)!

I’m pretty sure that most of us recognize that the world of health and nutrition is at times brimming with such an abundance of information, much of it contradictory, that it can be a dizzying, overwhelming mess.  It can be very difficult to wade through this information and sort out what really is valuable.  Which articles are objective?  Which data is well-researched?  Which studies were funded by greedy gigantic industries only interested in pushing forth information that supports their continued financial success – whether it’s in the public’s best interest or not?

Yes, that is how I really feel.

Over the last year and a half or so, I have delved into the world of health and nutrition information.  I have a very, very strong desire to pursue a career in nutrition and wellness, but just can’t quite figure out how to make that transition happen yet.  In the meantime, in lieu of a ‘formal’ education in this area, I have sought out an abundance of information regarding nutrition and I have spent a great deal of time dissecting the validity of the information I consume.

Before I actually made this effort to educate myself, I wrote off many commonly cited nutritional facts as big fat shams.

Mostly, I didn’t want to change my behaviors, so I rejected any information that told me I should do so.  You know that trick, right?  It’s sort of the adult equivalent of putting your hands over your ears and shouting “I can’t hear you!  I can’t hear you!”

Now that I’ve moved beyond that, I thought I’d share a few of the most significant nutritional truths that I once rejected.  These are some guidelines that I wholeheartedly believe in and follow on a daily basis.  If you want any more information or recommendations for further reading regarding these topics, just leave me a comment below.

______________________________________________________

Truth #1:  Eating breakfast really is important.

For years I rarely ate breakfast.  I would scoff at breakfast-advocates, saying “I’m just not hungry in the morning.”  While it was true that I didn’t usually feel hungry in the morning, I didn’t realize how much of an impact skipping breakfast had on the functioning of my mind and body.  Because I hadn’t experienced what it was like to be a breakfast eater, I didn’t understand how much I was forsaking.  For instance, I didn’t realize the amount of overeating that skipping breakfast led to later in the day, the sub-par mental functioning that I worked with for at least half of my day, or the way in which it just all around messed up my metabolism.  Once I started eating breakfast, whether I felt hungry or not, I began to notice incredible changes.  I have more energy, fewer unhealthy cravings throughout the day, better cognitive functioning, and overall I just feel better.

Truth #2: It is not wise to eat (or at least not eat much) within about 1.5 – 2 hours of going to bed.

Given that I shunned breakfast, it is likely no surprise that I ate the bulk of my food at night.  My meal planning was sporadic at best and I often found myself hungry and full of cravings in the late hours before bed.  Basically, I figured it didn’t matter what time of day I ate, because I was still going to consume the food at some point.  What I have learned, however, is that our bodies do some pretty amazing things while we sleep – and having a full stomach to contend with during our bedtime hours can cause some major disruptions to very important biological processes.  For instance, sleep is prime time for our bodies to create natural growth hormones.  These hormones aid in building and repairing muscles and work in a myriad of ways to keep us healthy.  The development of these hormones can be crucial to helping your body heal, grow, and recover from exercise, stress and other activity.  However, if your body is so full that most of its energy is going towards digesting food while you sleep, your body won’t have the energy to create these vital hormones.

Truth #3:  Protein does not have to come from animal products.  Many high quality and healthier proteins exist all around us.

I have recently become a vegetarian for a variety of reasons.  One thing I have learned in this process – and one of the most concerning truths I have learned about nutrition overall – is how damaging animal food products can be to our health.  The scientific links made between the consumption of animal proteins to cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and loads of other serious ailments are astounding.  Further, the plethora of research to support these findings and the amount of effort made to shut down the dissemination of this research by powerful, influential agencies (i.e. cattle and dairy companies and organizations) is infuriating.  It interferes in the ability of the average person to make informed decisions about their own health and wellness.  This is a huge topic, deserving of much more attention than I will give in this post, but for more information, I highly recommend checking out The China Study.  It’s amazing.  In the meantime, consider the plethora of non-animal based protein dense foods that surround us (lentils, quinoa, spinach, beans, et cetera).  (By the way, did you realize that consumption of milk actually leads to osteoporosis/weak bones?!)

Truth #4: Carbohydrates are not an enemy.  Neither is fat.  In fact, there are no actual, real foods that are the enemy.  (By real food I refer to pure, natural food, not, you know, stuff like Oreos.  Oreos may, in fact, be the enemy.  Oreos – delicious as they are – are wily little devils.)

We are constantly bombarded with ‘diet plans’ that claim to be the right answer for achieving optimal weight and health.  Only they never actually are, are they?  Two of the most pervasive over the last couple of decades have been plans associated with low-carb consumption and low-fat intake.  These plans are extremely problematic.  Refined, processed carbs (again – not ‘real’ food) are undoubtedly detrimental to our health.  However, unprocessed carbohydrates are vital to our systems and do a great deal to increase overall health.  A great deal of research exists that shows how diets high in unrefined carbohydrates are some of the healthiest in the world.  Regarding the low-fat craze, fat consumption does need to be moderated – this is for sure; however, the problem lies in the way this fact has manifested in our culture. A massive industry has grown around the development of ‘low-fat’ food.  Processed, refined incredibly unhealthy and sometimes toxic foods fill supermarket shelves, and because they are ‘low-fat’, they are considered health foods!  A low-fat diet is a good thing, but a low-fat label does not automatically equal a healthy option.

Truth #5:  Sometimes organic really is worth paying for.

Organic food is expensive – I know.  I live on a budget that drives the majority of my decisions around purchases; however, I am willing to scrimp in some places in order to buy certain organic food items.  The high amount of pesticides and toxic chemicals on many of the foods around me is terrifying.  I’m just not going to be convinced that eating an apple treated with chemicals made to de-ice planes and kill insects is inconsequential to my health.  Period.

Truth #6:  Sleep matters.

I really dislike sleep.  Seriously.  I’m always so disappointed at the amount of productive hours that are lost in any given day due to sleep.  Despite this, I have come to understand and respect the value of it.  Getting enough sleep has health impacts, both immediate and long-term.  And I can honestly say that while I still get angry about having to do it, I easily notice a difference in my brain and body when I don’t get enough sleep.  

Truth #7:  Water matters, too.

Drink water.  Enough said.  This one is easy.  Being well-hydrated keeps the body running smoothly and no amount of liquid from soda or other such beverages can replace the value that several cups of water has on our systems.

Truth #8:  Weight essentially is about calories in, calories out.  Health, wellness and nutrition are not. 

I could write for days regarding my feelings about weight versus health.  I am a firm believer that health comes in a vast variety of sizes and shapes.  I also stand firm that someone’s weight or size has absolutely nothing to do with their value, moral fortitude, or intelligence.  I also believe that sometimes advocacy for acceptance of all sizes and shapes can get all mixed up, sometimes losing sight of what it does mean to be healthy.  It’s a very, very complicated issue.  Ultimately, if you want to lose weight, you must have a calorie deficit.  This is a simple case of math meets biology.  You’re not going to lose weight without this deficit.  However, calories and weight loss do not necessarily equal health.  The nutritional value of those calories make all the difference in the world and is a key reason why plenty of size 12 people are a million times more healthy than any given size 6 person.  Know the difference between these concepts and know how they can work together to help each individual reach their own healthy weight and size.  This is a critical concept.

Truth #9:   Food really can be addictive.  Further, our tastes and preferences have likely adapted to those foods, which also means they can (and will) continue to adapt if you change up what you eat (In other words, it is not true that you naturally really hate all vegetables and can only enjoy eating cheeseburgers and fries).

I grew up on fast food, candy, and chemical-filled pre-packaged fare.  Because of this, I was convinced that this was all I liked and other foods were just too far away from my natural preferred palette.  Boy, was I ever wrong.  The truth is that my palate adapted to that type of diet.  As I began to cut that food out of my diet and introduce other foods, such as fruits, vegetables, and grains, my palate changed.  I started to become more sensitive to the variety of flavors that exist naturally in food and I have never looked back.

These are some guidelines for wellness that I believe in based on what I have learned to be true from research, education, and personal experience.  They obviously do not cover every aspect of nutrition, but I believe them to be good starting points for a healthy life!

 

 

 

A Healthy Reminder: There Is No Magic Answer

I came across this article this morning and I knew I had to share it here.  My personal beliefs about healthy eating (this includes, but is not limited to, being at a healthy weight) have been informed by loads of research, learning, and personal experience.  Ultimately, I firmly believe that there is no magic answer, so to speak, to creating a solid nutritional base and reaching your own personal healthy weight.

So often we are sold special diets as products, we are given partial truths from studies in order to push a new way of eating and thinking, causing consumers to run to the markets, filling their baskets and carts with the ‘healthy’ food of the moment and discarding what they are told is the new enemy (i.e. fat, carbs, sugar).

My approach to nutrition is firmly rooted in the understanding that our bodies need real (i.e. unprocessed or at least minimally processed) food and a balance of various nutrients from a variety of foods.  We need protein, carbohydrates, and fats.  This article presents a clear perspective on one recent ‘health’ trend and why eliminating one key nutrient in order to create an excess of another is not the way to go.

So if you have a moment, check out this article here and feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

Happy Tuesday!